Do you have a spouse with lower sex drive than you? It’s common for one spouse to have a higher sex drive than the other but there can be times when drive if much lower. These tips may help increase your frequency!
Tip #1 Set the Mood for Your Spouse!
Do what you can to remove tasks or free up mental space! Sex drive can be affected by high stress levels or lots of things going on, so do what you can for your spouse to alleviate some of those obstacles to help your spouse get in the mood! Explore your spouse’s body with slow soft touches that can help with relaxation and unwinding! Removing those mental blocks and tasks can really awaken their sexuality!
Tip #2 Initiate Sex, but Don’t Necessarily Expect It!
Seems strange right? Hear me out though… Often times when we initiate sex and are turned down we feel a strong sense of rejection. Or worse, we stop initiating altogether. However, when a spouse is going through a season of lower sex drive, we should still initiate sex more often than we expect a strong follow through. This shows your spouse you are still into them and will be ready when they are. Don’t stop initiating sex with your spouse. Even if it means you’ll be striking out more often than running the bases!
Tip #3 Communicate and be Understanding!
Express to your spouse that while sex is important to you, you want them to recognize your awareness that it’s not just about YOUR needs. Communicate with your spouse and try to be understanding about where they’re coming from or the cause of low desire. If you’re wanting sex, be clear in vocalizing that to your spouse in a loving way while being understanding to what they’re going through.
There are numerous reasons for seasons of lower libido or sex drive. That said, communication is key! Have grace and try to really get to the source of the low sex drive. If it is for a short time, reasons could be stress or mental overload or just a busy time in life. Postpartum can also play into it as well. If it’s been a longer season of lower sex drive, hormones may be a big contributor. If there is sexual pain that is causing a lack of sexual desire, that pain needs to be addressed by a pelvic floor therapist or OBGYN.
Seasons of lower sex drive are perfectly normal. Don’t be too hard on yourselves, and don’t take it personal if your spouse is ‘touched out’ or needs a little more effort and foreplay to get in the mood! Remember, you’re on the same team! Now go get your healthy communication on and up the foreplay for a great game!
~C